I’ve been extremely attracted to women from day one. It’s a profound and all-encompassing part of my being. Essential is the word that defines it. This is a multilayered love affair with the opposite sex. It ranges from platonic to sexual, supportive to burdensome, young to old, foreign to domestic. Simply put, women make me happy. My appreciation began with the women who raised and nourished me. My mother is the epitome of kindness. Her two sisters stood with her to create a triangle of consistency and structure for our family. They gave me the spiritual and emotional power that I stand on today. My family is full of beautiful, intelligent, and powerful examples of women. They, collectively, are my foundation. But even with all the love and power given to me by these amazing goddesses, I still had to learn how to romantically, intimately, and sexually love a woman on my own.
Finding balance between love, lust, and DNA has been a very complicated and time-consuming part of my life.
Processing the male/female dynamic has led to countless days of introspection, and I know there are many men like me. We often wonder if our love of women is really genetic programming designed to continue our species vs it being an innate desire for some type of esoteric bond. The struggle is real.
My younger self was always enamored with beautiful faces. I can remember the sensations of puppy love crushes that I had going back to first grade or so. There was a purity in those moments that I’d been chasing for most of my life. Somehow, upon first look, you feel taller, faster, stronger, and happier. It appeared that everything about that person was in 4K HD with the saturation maxed out. The rest of the world seemed to go flat grey. That person dominated all thought. It felt like an injection of euphoria. Bliss.
There was not much physical interaction at that age beyond holding hands or playing tag. In many cases, she might not even know how you felt because you were too shy to say anything. But then, for whatever reason, it all went away.
No matter how cute or innocent we think puppy love is or can be, the aftermath is an intensely debilitating feeling of sadness combined with emotional dysfunction. The face that triggered so much joy is now associated with this incredible sensation of invisible pain. What is this? Why can’t I eat or sleep? What do I do now? How do I shake this? These are the questions we’re usually too young and inexperienced to formulate. But it’s what we feel. It’s surely what I felt. It took a considerable amount of time for me to digest the hurt from those first days of lost crushes. Regardless, when the smoke cleared, one major truth remained. I wanted to feel those amazing sensations again. The new mission, however, was to feel much more bliss with minimal amount of sorrow. I was becoming addicted.
DNA and attraction are such dominant parts of a man’s reality.
From puberty, there’s an internal force that drives you to reproduce and engage… relentlessly. It’s as unique to us as giving birth is to women. It dominates some of us more than others. It’s never really talked about or taught in any formal educational curriculum. It can be very distracting at times. As men, we’re often left alone to figure things out anyway possible. The danger here is that we can be unknowingly shaped into callous savages by hearsay, subcultural norms, and low-level man code gossip.
The streets essentially teach you to handle all emotional situations the same way… get another girl. Move on. The Four F’s. Find them, Fool them, Fuck them, Forget them. It’s almost as if women are framed as a mortal enemy whose only purpose is to provide a willing vagina. I heard all of it plus some. But it never seemed quite right in my immature mind. I wondered why there was never any mention of the euphoric vibes that I daydreamed about. Rarely was there any talk of love or emotion. I was confused by this. There had to be more.
As I walked deeper into manhood, my experiences expanded way beyond what little me could’ve ever imagined.
I found my way back to those invisible mind-altering sensations. I also found a greater appreciation for the entire form of a woman. Inside and out. From the touch of her fingertips to the softness of her skin to the sound of her voice… I wanted to know everything about her and how her body and mind worked. I was in search of the perfect amount of finesse to get a woman to be her best.
My affinity towards sweet feeling intimacy became an essential part of my creativity. I used it to feed my chi and heal any pain. I found power and beauty in the exchange. The closeness made me feel whole with the universe in a way that drugs or alcohol could never do. I saw each encounter as a journey into that person’s entire being, and not just her body. I was fascinated by multiple female orgasms and how the energy transference charged me up as if it were an organic battery. I called them magnified meditations. I was fortunate to have lovers who were free and fearless with their minds and bodies. They wanted me there as much as I wanted to be there. We were insatiable. I was the ultimate source of love and happiness. Or at least I thought that’s what it was. Those moments, however beautiful, didn’t last. So again, rather than feel the pain, the mission was to move on with the least emotional damage possible.
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Eventually, the start/stop love affairs stopped feeding the euphoric habit. None of it felt good. A mature adjustment had to be made. Personal growth was necessary. Where I am now is somewhere between where I started and where I hope to be. My story is still being written so there’s no conclusion, per se. But if you asked me what was the most important factor in man’s attraction to women, love, lust, or DNA? My answer would simply be…Yes.